he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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