were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
