You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
