Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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