If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
