At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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