i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
