Swine flu. Run for my life!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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