why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
