You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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