yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
