Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
