Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
