I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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