Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
