so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
