I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
