I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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