in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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