I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
