They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
