I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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