he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
did i just pee glitter
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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