Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
