you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
