The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
