Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
God I need to hump something, right now.
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