All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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