There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he thought i was a dude.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
