Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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