Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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