is your mom at the bar?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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