i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
