and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
