my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
