I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
