i permit you to call me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
