he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
