Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
