never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
