First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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