What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
