i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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