Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
