after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
