I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
