His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
