Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
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