Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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