im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had sex on a roof
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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