I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
